WWW

WWW 3/100

There's an elephant in the room...

...and today someone exposed me. I've put on a lot of weight. A.LOT!!! Obviously it's not a secret, how could it be?! I am out of control and have been for ages. Today I finally decided to face the truth and went to see the doctor. In front of my kids who were with me, I heard some hard facts about the strong possibility of diabetes in my life unless things change. I eat for comfort and I eat too much crap too often. Over the last couple of years, there have been some serious and not so pretty changes in my body. My beautiful and ever supportive husband, my amazing family and friends are far too kind to ever mention my weight. Neil occasionally pushes me a little but only after I've boohoo'd to him about my struggle to gain control. The reality is that the future WILL be ugly if I don't do something NOW. Why oh why is it so hard to get my mind wrapped around eating less and moving more. Real food and less garbage. Life. I have a long road ahead of me but I need to believe I'm worth it and will work hard to get to a better healthy place. Thanks for reading my pity party, it's not the first time I've written about my weight here. I got myself into this mess and now I need to get out of it somehow. I hope I can update in a month or so with some positive changes. 

weight

 

Sorry for the language. My sister texted me this photo the other day and it made me laugh (thankfully) because it's exactly how I feel. My diet isn't doing well at all!!!  I'm in a rut and it's depressing. At every turn, I'm hearing or seeing dramatic weight loss in friends and acquaintances but for some reason I cannot seem to wrap my head around the tools it takes to rid myself of these extra pounds. It's been years. This battle is something I cannot seem to win. I get it. Eat less move more. Mindful eating. DAILY excercise. It's not rocket science. I'm failing miserably with WW because I'm not following the program.  I like the wrong foods and need to get my body moving more. Next weekend I'm headed to the city to see some of my very best girlfriends. Part of me is super excited and the other part would rather just not go as I'm so unhappy with me. When and how will I ever have the WILLPOWER it takes?!?!  Lily came bursting into the bathroom the other morning and the first thing she said was "some people don't have much love in their lives because they only love themselves". I think loving myself is where I need to start. Until then, this cartoon!!! 

thoughts from Lily

This evening just as I was heading out for my walk, I went to Lily and asked her for a kiss goodbye
Lily - where are you goin?
me - for a walk
Lily - why?
me - because I'm fat and I need to lose weight
Not missing a beat or even looking my direction she continues on making her thread bracelets, scoffs rather loudly and says - that's the funniest thing I ever heard someone say, calling their own selves fat

The last thing I ever want to do is have my children worry about weight, it's been a demon of mine forever! I'm overweight and struggle with it all the time but it's my problem not theirs!  I'm glad she is wise beyond her years and from now on I will certainly choose my words more carefully. Lily always seems to tell Mama what she needs to hear just when she needs to hear it.

Stay beautiful always my little Flower...be confident and happy in who you are no matter how you look!